i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
