you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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