apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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