a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
