I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
