she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dude. I can hear the air.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
