ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
