Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
a search helicopter?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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