Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
