I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize