The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
