So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
