The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
