its not stalking. its research.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
