a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
