so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
