it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
