yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
