and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize