Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
