hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
