A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
