i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize