Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
