why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
