are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
