Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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