you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
