I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize