Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
