I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
