I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
