Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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