It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
