I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
