it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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