you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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