Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
