I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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