Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
