now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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