I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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