I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize