Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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