M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
