FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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