fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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