Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
