I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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