this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
