well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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