Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
