I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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