If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
