Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This house was built for laser tag.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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