Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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