A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
