Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
