Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
