i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
