We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
