is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
