id be glad to
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
