I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize