The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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