I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize