Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
