yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
