Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
high people should be assigned attendants
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
