Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
