I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
