can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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