my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
