I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize