I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
how drunk are you?
Several
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
