11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
